I have been thinking about this website, this blog, and what I want to do with it ever since I started it weeks ago. I committed to a site, a domain, and am ready to get it going, but my mind has been all over the place lately, and I haven’t been holding myself accountable to my own dreams. How terrible is that?! Let’s talk about this.
So far this year I’ve completed 21/52 hikes for the 52 Hike Challenge, which is amazing! Amazingness aside, only 3 of them have been by myself. I’m not saying this is a bad thing- I love getting out there with others, connecting, sharing experiences, getting outside of my comfort zone, and helping others to do the same, but there is something to be said about being on your own on a trail. Its time to spend with your thoughts, dig deep, be honest with yourself, and sort through some truths that you may or may not be avoiding in every day life. The last couple weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I’ve also felt a fire starting inside again, and I am determined to keep it growing and thriving!
I am most definitely still on the very tip of the iceberg of tuning into myself, and that is both exciting and terrifying. I have been on the physical journey for a few months now, am seeing changes in my body and strength, and am learning that I can use that on my mental journey. I am more confident in the physical, and am ready to explore the mental and emotional while continuing the physical.
I am learning that time alone is necessary, as is the support of the people you care about you/care about you, but it is also vital to have people in your life who are like-minded, on a journey themselves, and who can not only relate to you, but walk beside you and understand where you are both physically and mentally. It makes a world of difference knowing you’re not alone. I once wrote about the importance of being alone, and while I still stand by much of what I said, I am also to a point where I want people. I want connections and meaningful relationships. I have lost and gained many friends over the years, and while each had its own challenges, I do believe everything happens for a reason, and people come into/leave your life for a reason. Each person has helped to shape who I am in some way, and I love them for it. Even if they aren’t in my present.
I am also learning, and its especially apparent with this blog, that I am having difficulty holding myself accountable. Not with all things, but when it comes to this blog, my dreams, and where I want to be in life, I’m not holding myself accountable to getting myself there. To taking the steps to actually make my dreams a reality. I’m not even sure what all of my dreams are yet, but I know I’m flailing around trying to sort it out. My step one, in my head, is to continue on with my life how I am, and to CONSISTENTLY write about it and share my experiences. I have made many schedules, created many calendars, and have told myself I’m going to do it, but I haven’t. Times like this I get my motivation while at work, when it becomes hard to sit down and write a post out all at once. So it gets documented in chunks, and may not always be fluid. Which, when I think about it, is much like my brain and thought process anyway, so does it really matter?
In the last couple weeks I have gone to a cave and gotten in the coldest water I’ve ever experienced, climbed routes I hadn’t ever thought I could do, pushed myself farther at the gym, practiced yoga consistently, made better food decisions, and made hard choices that could change my life. Its exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time! My mind is a whirlwind, constantly thinking and all over the place, and it is a practice in itself to slow it down.