Hey there! The last few days have been a cloud of stress and a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m finally feeling like I’m coming back down to Earth, and finding balance again. This is not to say I’m sad, or in a bad mood. I’m just feeling like not a whole part of myself. Combine this with the feeling of inspiration and motivation bubbling up, but not being sure where to direct it, and I feel like one hot mess of a Maggie!
Something I have been struggling with a lot the last few years is letting go of things not in my control, and not beneficial to my health and well being. I care TOO MUCH, and want everyone to be happy. Even at my own expense. I have also always struggled with letting people and their actions hurt me when there really is no reason for them to, and by letting them hurt me they’re getting whatever they want out of it.
The easy way to say this is that I have to constantly keep telling myself that I am only in control of myself, my thoughts, and my actions, and the goal is to not let what others do affect me. I am living my life, growing as an individual and in my relationships, and working to become the best version of myself that I can be. I am also working hard to build up the kind of life I want to live. This is a lot to be working on, and while fulfilling, it can be extremely stressful and uncertain at times.
One thing that has been coming up a lot recently, is that as I am growing and sharing more, and becoming the person I want to be, people from my past are popping up with their opinions and pushing their views on me about what I’m doing with my life. Some aren’t even talking directly to me, which is even more frustrating! What I have learned through talking with others is that as I am breaking out of my comfort zone, leveling up, however you want to say it, the people who wish they were doing the same, or are afraid of doing something similar, are going to have negative things to say about what I’m doing. They are going to come out of nowhere, drop their negativity bomb, and walk away as quickly as they came in, because they don’t like seeing others doing what they want to do.
I used to have a personality that was very “go with the flow.” I was laid back, quiet, and just got my stuff done. I was my own person, but didn’t stray from the pack much. This meant that those with stronger personalities could, to an extent, manipulate and move me around to their benefit. This was friendship, I guess, but looking back it was also something they felt they could have control over. That makes me sad. I’m learning that a lot of the friendships I held dear weren’t really what I thought they were at the time. I suppose everyone is in your life at a certain time, for a certain length of time, for a reason, and aren’t meant to be around forever. This is where I’m choosing to forgive and move on. There is no more anger or hurt in the past, and while they may not be in my life now, I’m not letting the hurtful actions and mindsets of others affect my growth now.
The thing is, whatever people say about me or to me, doesn’t really matter. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Who they say it to DOESN’T MATTER. If they say it to my friends they’ll know its silly. I’m making the decision now to laugh when I hear things, and let it roll right off. I’m happy in my life, and no one can actually change that! And if they’re taking the time to try that means they must be really unhappy in their own lives. Y’all, we should all be supporting each other and lifting each other up! Not a fan of someone? Wish them well, and continue on in your own life.
Deep breaths. Happy Wednesday. Sorry not sorry this post is a couple days late. It took a bit to get the words out. I’ve read through this a few times, but its also a post I’m not sure makes complete sense to someone outside of my own head.