Hey there! I hope this is finding you well 🙂
This weekend was a doozy, an emotional rollercoaster, a strain on the brain, however you want to put it. I feel more exhausted than anything, when I was hoping it would have been restorative and healing. I feel like I’m continuously looking for a physical or mental space with quiet, relief, and a deep breath. Its as if I find this space, get there, inhale, and before I can exhale everything floods in and there’s no space for the exhale. So, I’m hoping this week leaves some room to unwind all of this.
To get the icky stuff out of the way first…
I have spent the last few years doing a lot of work on myself. Really digging in, sifting through what makes me who I am, who I want to be, and what I’m doing to get myself there. It took a long time to get comfortable with just being with myself, doing things on my own, and building up my confidence and independence. Part of that mean being uncomfortable, stepping out of comfort zones, and being vulnerable. One way I do this is by posting a little morning check-in on my Instagram stories. While I do understand that by doing this I open myself up to the opinions of others, which is perfectly fine, but I don’t think I will ever get used to trolls and people who feel the need to HAVE to say something. This is not a new experience for me. I’ve had people make comments to me before, but this weekend did affect me. One guy, who I’ve never talked to, I wasn’t following (his account was set to private so I couldn’t even see anything), and has nothing to do with my life, responded telling me that by taking a couple minutes to talk each morning meant I was spending too much time on my phone which means I’m desperate. That I should not be on my phone so much, get a boyfriend, and start journaling.
What?! There are so many things wrong here. I don’t understand how he drew this conclusion based off a couple minutes each day. While yes, I do spend quite a bit of time on my phone because I run businesses from my phone, I don’t spend my whole day on my phone. It seems pretty obvious that if I’m not on my phone I’m still a person living a life in the world. Right? Then there’s the whole thing about thinking I’m desperate. Desperate for what? And THEN he told me to get a boyfriend and start journaling. How does he know I don’t already have these things in my life? I don’t post my whole life on the internet… So, this will get brushed off. Of course any response I made just brought out more of his trolly-ness LOL. I blocked him, and am moving on with my life.
There’s also a certain situation that has gone on for a few years now that not many people know about, but that for the most part I’m ok with. Out of sight out of mind, and I got some great people out of it, but there have been a couple times (including this last weekend) where a person who has no idea who I am, how I’m feeling, or what happened to me feels the need to insert themselves in the situation and tell me how to feel and what to do. That’s not ok in any way. This is where I don’t understand people who have a lack of empathy, and an unwillingness to understand others. I didn’t ask them anything, I didn’t open myself up to them, I didn’t want to be related to. I just didn’t want any of it. I wanted to go back half an hour to before it happened, and shut it down even sooner than I did. I have come to terms with what’s been going on, but I also don’t feel the want or need to make an attempt to remedy anything. This is definitely a situation where myself, and others I care about, were targeted and hurt, and I don’t see a point in putting in any effort at this point. I am at peace, and happy in my life without this around me, and I want to keep it that way.
ANYWAY! There were a couple of great things that happened! I was invited to be on my friend’s podcast, How to Make a perfect White Russian (click here to take a look!), and it was a blast! Lots of tangents and beer drinking and good times were had. I hope I get to do more things like that! I love talking with people about whatever comes up, and of course, about hiking and adventuring! While recording it, and thinking on it after, that is something I would really enjoy doing! But, I think it would be more for YouTube, and probably little coffee/beer chats with others. What do you think about that?! I have the perfect space and idea for a setup in my apartment – its just even more gear to get! So, if you have any suggestions for setups please let me know! I would just use my Sony Alpha 6000, but would need microphones and possibly Mac software for recording. Unless Final Cut Pro also records. I’m not sure.
I also went to the Forever Emo concert last night featuring Mayday Parade, and the opener of Dan Marsala with his laptop pretending to be a Dj! It was hilarious, and a great time! I ended up going alone. I have been to MANY concerts by myself, I don’t mind it, I usually end up running into people I know, but I am getting tired of it. I like sharing these fun experiences too!
Now that I’ve gotten all of this out, I’m hoping I can just release it out into the universe, and move on. I have dreams and goals, am making plans to meet them, and have lots of people surrounding me and supporting me in everything I do 🙂 I am putting in the effort and energy with relationships where I’m feeling the same in return, am building a business, and spreading my love, happiness, and inspiration wherever I can! Each of us are on a journey only we can fully understand for ourselves, but there are things like empathy, compassion, and support to spread around to others while they navigate their own journeys through life.
Also, if you’ve read this far, bravo! But also, if you don’t like or agree with the things I say or believe, that’s perfectly ok. All I ask is that instead of forcing your opinions and beliefs on me (without healthy conversation) please just unfollow and unfriend me everywhere. I hope you’re able to someday see the sides of others, that you may not always be right about everything, and I hope that your life gets better.