Stepping In

Good morning, everyone! It is a cold, rainy, dreary Monday here in St. Louis, and its got me feeling all of the feelings. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking more on the question I asked in my last post. I have this crippling anxiety around actually being productive, moving myself forward, and its like I’m afraid of success and what that would look like for my life. 

Has anyone else felt this? Whether you know exactly what you want your business to look like, or you just have that feeling? I have that feeling, and the unknown is where my anxiety currently exists. 

I have so many ideas, so many directions this could go, and most ways cost more money to get to than I can afford right now. That’s where I find myself stuck in this loop. I need to work my day job to pay my bills, and VERY SLOWLY save up that money to get my own business started, but at the end of each work day I’m emotionally drained and unmotivated and not wanting to bring that energy into my own progress. 

So what do I do? When I got my current job I told myself I wouldn’t leave unless it was because my business has grown enough to sustain itself and my life, or for a career elsewhere that is completely aligned with what I want to be doing if its not for myself. But I’m not sure how much longer I can last in this job. Its not what I want to be doing, and while I enjoy some of the people I work with, I no longer enjoy the work. I’m a secretary with not even 30 hours worth of work each week. 

Anyway, I don’t want to complain about my current situation, and instead find a way to convert those feelings into motivation for the rest of my life. I just have all these feelings that this is the time to step into this next chapter, but I have no clue yet what that one thing that kicks everything into motion is. 

This has turned into another ranting post! So much for planning… 

The first thing I want to get on my calendar each week is a productivity night. One night a week for either setting up camp at my desk, or finding a safe and socially distanced cafe where I can just be in one place for a few hours to get some work done. Whether it be writing posts, planning social content, creating things to sell, whatever! One night a week. Eventually, as it grows and becomes my job, it will take up more than one evening a week, but to start I believe it will help to know I have at least one night a week set aside. 

I am also not feeling optimistic about completing the hike challenge this year. I should be giving myself grace with this since this year has been all-around chaos, but its also something I’d really like to make the space for in my schedule. If it doesn’t happen this year it is MOST DEFINITELY happening in 2021. It has to. Its my thing. My happy time. But there are also more things and people in my life now that I want to devote as much energy to. So how do I make it all happen if it all can’t happen at the same time? Oh, life. 

A thing I JUST heard on a podcast I’m in love with:

“A lot of people are bypassing the natural desire to live life with purpose, because it feels so big and so colossal, because we don’t know how we’re going to do it.” – Sahara Rose

AND WOW THIS HITS CLOSE TO HOME 

I’m going to end this here, because my mind is just swirling, and I don’t think anything productive will come from rambling on any longer. If you’ve made it this far I applaud you, and hope that if you are nodding your head and aligning with any of this that you feel comfortable enough to reach out! I’d love to share our journeys, move forward together, and help each other step into the lives we’re supposed to be living!

2 thoughts on “Stepping In

  1. It has always seemed to me that you knew exactly what you wanted and how to get there. I don’t think I know. I know what I DON’T want and how I WON’T get to where I want to go but nothing really specific the other way.

    It’s funny you mentioned your job because I was just thinking about mine recently. I’m reasonable and know that I have to keep it. But it makes me sad that my potential is not used. It’s sad that the work I do seems tedious to me.

    But, I keep on walking, doing whatever I can and if I’m meant to get somewhere, I’m sure I will. And so will you. Stay golden!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel like I’m at that edge where something amazing is about to happen, but I have no idea what it is or how to prepare for it! I have to just trust the universe, and trust that what I’m doing now is on the right path.

      While I’m not enjoying my job, I do enjoy most of the people I work with, and in thinking more I do feel like I would enjoy my job more if I had more direction, fulfillment, and success outside of it doing what makes me happy.

      The struggle is real right now!

      Liked by 1 person

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