Two things happened for me over the weekend that I think are sparking some changes in my life.
I went with Denny down to his mom’s property in Kentucky, and it was a GREAT time! This was my first time out of the St. Louis area since January, and I was about to snap. I needed space, fresh air, night skies, and to slow down my pace for a bit. It was glorious. I have lived in St. Louis my entire life, and while I don’t hate it here, I’m thinking after 30 years it could be time to start dreaming of something new. I’ve had dreams about other places in the past, but it feels like I’m in a place in my life where I can actually make it happen. First thing first – I need more consistent income, and I need a plan.
The first thing that happened for me was getting the distance from this place called home that I’ve been desperately needing. Day hikes are fun, but ultimately not far enough away for a long enough period of time. I was almost 4 hours away, a couple states away, and it felt like a whole different world. The fall colors were beautiful, the sky was bright and mostly clear, and the air was fresh. People weren’t piled on top of each other or rushing around. There was a pace much slower than at home, and it helped me to relax and shed some of the underlying anxiety I feel on a daily basis. I could wander around, turn off my phone, think, read a book without feeling like I should be doing something else, and (a couple of my favorites) eat and drink whatever I wanted.
This, really, has helped me to realize that I might be ready for a life outside of the city. My whole life has been hard-wired for stress and anxiety, always struggling to bring in a paycheck, pay my bills, and stay afloat. But, getting to this point also takes a lot of saving and planning and hustling, and I am doing my best to keep the feelings of being overwhelmed at bay, and keeping my thinking on a smaller scale to start out. I’ve managed to make the time in my life for the things I enjoy doing, but most of the time when I am doing the things I enjoy, I don’t ever feel fully present there. Like there’s always the stress of feeling like I should be doing something else, something that will actually show up in my bank account. This is all still swirling in my head. More to come as I sort it out.
The other thing that happened was having the chance to watch Denny’s mom, June, working on her own business doing something she really seems to enjoy doing! Its a lot to take on by herself, and I hope she doesn’t get in over her head, but she’s making beautiful wooden pieces, and is actually doing well! She’s bringing in new orders, playing around with ways to streamline and become more efficient, and making it happen for herself! Of course it helps to have super handy and smart sons to help out 🙂
Seeing her doing all of this also helped to re-ignite that spark of getting my sh*t together! I talk about it, dream about it, and jot down all the ideas, but I have yet to get anything actually started. With winter coming I don’t think I’ll be out on the trails as much as I’d hope to be. This is a bit disappointing, because I have been wanting to complete the 52 Hike Challenge, but at November 2nd, I’m only 20 hikes in, and I have a lot to do before the end of the year. If hikes happen then awesome! I will, however, be kicking off 2021 with hike 1 of the hike challenge next year.
Anyway! I have two months left in this year, and I’d really like to get SOMETHING going before the end of the year. I want/need a hobby that isn’t digital. I need to use my hands, not stare at screens, and create!
Again, lots of thoughts swirling around up here that I need to let swirl until its ready for the real world. Now that I’ve had this weekend of distance, I’m ready for things to happen. I’ve re-centered myself, and have a clearer idea of what I want the future to look like. In knowing that I can narrow these dreams down more and more until I have smaller, daily, tasks I can manage. Baby steps, y’all!
I do have a page on this site for donations! Any donations received will go towards:
- Gas for hikes
- Food for recipes
- Fabric/supplies for quilting & other crafts
- Stickers & notebooks
- This blog site/other gear like camera lenses, etc.
I hope you’re all hanging in there!