fitness, Goals, journey, Life

Mix of Feelings

Well hey there! I didn’t post last week, and that may seem odd as I do feel like I was gaining momentum here, but last week was a big week for feelings. 

The two big things I talked about in my last post – Greg’s health and the big event at work, took up my whole week, and in some ways I still feel like I’m getting back to myself from it. 

Greg passed away. Tuesday night last week (4/5). I got a text Wednesday morning as I was heading into the event for the day. I was able to get through the day, and that Thursday I had lunch with my Done Dept family at his favorite Mexican restaurant drinking his favorite margarita. I needed time with everyone to feel all the things and remember just how amazing Greg is, and plans are already underway for what I know will be the most EPIC celebration of life ever. 

While going through all of that, the event, which we call a Culture Starter, was an amazing success! I don’t yet have all the words to express how I’m feeling about this. I’m still feeling socially drained, because being on point like that for a few days in a row takes a lot out of me (my introverted side), but it was so amazing, and it felt as close to perfect as it could have gotten! The Ritz was so helpful and amazing, Cydney did so much for me to help prepare, the group that came (about 50 people) were the PERFECT group of people (engaged, excited, ready to learn), and the trainers and speakers were magical. It was not only the first event that I planned in my role with Sherpa, but it was the first time I got to see the magic of the facilitators doing what they do best. It helped me to realize that I took the right leap in coming over to Sherpa, and I’m so excited to see what the next month, quarter, year(s) brings to my life! 

Those are the big things. The major events that rocked my world last week. This week I’ve been taking it easy, but also making moves in my personal life, my Roaming With Purpose life. 

For going on 5 years now I used Beachbody for its workouts and supplements (pre-workout & post-workout). I signed up as a coach “for the discount,” and “for the side hustle,” but I never hustled or “worked the biz.” I followed the workouts and while I love some of the trainers and their vibes, but to be honest, it wasn’t working for me. Some could say it was my own discipline, but somewhere in the last year I realized that I wasn’t in love. It wasn’t working for me and for my life. Something there wasn’t healthy. I don’t know if I can pinpoint it, and I know that for some people its a crazy success, but it wasn’t me. It wasn’t sustainable. And yes, I think 5 years is enough time to know if something is sustainable or not. Arguably too much time. 

But the exciting thing! There’s a local to STL company (much bigger than local, but started here and HQ is here) called 1st Phorm that is doing so much good! A couple times a year they do an Athlete Search, and I signed up for one! I have no real feelings like I could win, but I’m excited to dive in and enjoy the process! I was assigned to an advisor, and she seems absolutely amazing! I’m re-learning all about macros and tracking my food and what I actually need to take in each day to fuel my body and get to where I want to be. This is a time of COMPLETE honesty with myself, and renewing the accountability I’m holding myself to. There are still programs to work through, each about 8 weeks and at different levels of “difficulty.” While I don’t think I’m starting at zero with my fitness, I’m starting with a beginner program so I can learn about how the programs are set up, nail down my form, and be fully present in the workouts. This is what I NEED. I need someone there to answer my questions and offer support, one place that holds my workouts and my tracking in an easy and accessible way, and they even go live in the app every morning to teach and help and guide me along the way. I feel like I’ve found exactly what I’ve been looking for. Its simple. 

Part of this athlete challenge is sharing my journey, and being vulnerable. I’m used to sharing on Instagram, but I want to carry that over here as well. Also, this weekend is a 3-day weekend, and I’m feeling a hike or two coming up! 

In short, I’m feeling so many feelings all at once, and sometimes its hard. This week I’ve been working from home where its a bit quieter, and honestly I might do the same next week. Life is all about finding that balance, and it feels like I’m getting there. 

If you’re here, thank you for reading and being here. You’ve stuck it out so long with me, and while sometimes it feels like I just can’t catch a break, I do feel like I’m meant to be here in this space. So I can assure you that this will be more than just my journal. I just have to get there. 

2 thoughts on “Mix of Feelings”

  1. I have to admit, you spend a lot of time thinking, talking, and planning about what you’re going to do, especially here, and not enough time doing. Just do the things you say you’re going to do, instead of always saying “this space will evolve, change, grow”. Just do it. Make it evolve. Make it change. Make it grow. Best of luck!


    1. You are 100% correct! I am. I’ve taken more leaps in the last few months than I have in the last few years, and it’s felt like I’m settling into these changes before moving to the next one. I believe this space is beginning to change and evolve, just not quite at the pace I thought it would before the rest of life happened. I appreciate your comment!


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